Mother-in-law demands to be in the delivery room when her grandchild is born and to move in to help with the baby, gets upset when daughter-in-law refuses: 'This is your experience, not hers'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 17, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Giving birth is a major medical event. Sure, millions of people do it, and some people do it with very little medical interference, but it's still a big deal. You're in an immense amount of pain and discomfort, and it takes every bit of energy you've got. Not to mention, it's a visceral experience. Your body is doing things it has never done before. All that to say it's understandable that you would be choosy about who's in the delivery room when you're getting it done. 

Common sense says it should probably just be the parents and a few chosen medical professionals. But family doesn't always adhere to common sense. As was the case here, when an overbearing grandmother-to-be had a different idea of her role in bringing the baby into the world than the woman actually giving birth. Read on for the details of the story and see what you think. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10442936832
    via Unsplash+ (Jordan González)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITAH for telling my mother- in-law she's not allowed in the delivery room Hello,
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    I (27F) recently married my husband. (27M) back in May of this year. My husband and I recently found out I was pregnant and are very excited to first time parents. However, there's an issue with his family. For context, my husband's family is very large and close knit. Because of this there are boundary issues.
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    My husband's parents had two kids, my SIL (29F) and my husband the youngest. Whereas I am one of three sisters and me being the middle child. Both my older and younger sister each have children of their own and I have learned boundaries when it comes to posting their children on social media (I usually post their kids hands or backs of their heads) because I respect my sisters and their wishes.
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    My husband's family disregards this notion and will post whatever. Recently, a friend of ours is due to give birth and my MIL stated she couldn't wait to meet the baby before they leave on a New Year's trip that was planned a year ago.
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    Now I know I'm wrong here when I asked why she would think said friend would allow visitors since it's holiday season and people tend to get sick. She gave me a look but didn't respond. Now a week ago I found out I was pregnant and my husband, bless him, was so excited he told his parents and sister. Soon I got flooded with congratulations texts from his extended. family which infuriated me since I don't know how far along I am. I told my husband I'm very early and not out of the woods yet of po
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    My husband got defensive at first but when I told him I didn't even get to tell my parents or sisters and the hurt in my voice he quickly apologized. Last night we had dinner at his parent's place to celebrate the news but also go over expectations for future news that we want privacy and to set boundaries.
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    Once dinner was in full swing his mom had started asking us about our birth plans and when she thinks I'll be due so she can ask for time off. She asked what hospital we decided and she couldn't wait to be in the room. She then mentioned to have a room ready in our house so she can assist us with the baby. I looked at my husband and back at her because she kept rambling on and not allowing me to speak up. Finally I cut her off and told her it's just me and my husband that'll be in the room only.
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    She looked offended and said her son would want her to be there. I looked at my husband and he told his mom that he agrees it should only be us in the room and no one else. My FIL, bless him, tried to defuse the heated discussion by stating to his wife that it's okay and times are different.
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    She somewhat simmered down and asked once I find out the gender if I can allow her to do a gender reveal. I told her we don't want to know the gender it'll be a surprise. She said, "that's okay bring me the ultrasound photos and I'll know."
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    I so badly wanted to respond back to her but honestly I was so emotionally drained. I stayed quiet the rest of the night and have been a tad distant to my husband. Today, I got a text from my husband's relative stating I was an AH for telling MIL she can't be in the room and am robbing her from that experience. Reddit, am I the AH for telling my MIL no?
    via u/Impressive-Wrap6749
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    • tigerz... 15h ago Edited 14h ago • NTA • You're not robbing her of any experience as she has given birth twice! I don't understand this entitlement of some folks seeming to think it's acceptable to tell someone that they will be in the delivery suite while they're giving birth. The person who is giving birth has the right to have who ever they want and to exclude whoever they want including the father!
    via u/tigerz0973
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    I'd start being firmer with your boundaries with MIL and anyone else who oversteps. Your husband needs to start having your back and initiating conversations with his family about expectations going forward.
    via u/tigerz0973
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    i_swear_too_muchffs • 15h ago. Your body, your baby, your boundaries. Do what the f you want to do. This is your experience 2000 not hers.
    via u/i_swear_too_muchffs
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    Realistic-Animator-3 15h ago • NTA. It's not your responsibility to provide 'experiences' for your mil. She had two kids, so she's had that experience...twice.
    via u/Realistic-Animator-3
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    Awkward-Tourist979 • 15h ago • It's your husbands job to shut his mother down.
    via u/Awkward-Tourist979
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    nonamejane84 15h ago • ⋅ Top 1% Commenter When I was in labor (and literally pushing my first baby out of my _), my sister opened the delivery room door and decided to casually waltz in to "watch" me deliver my baby. My face was mortified but I had an amazing nurse who turned to her and said "THIS IS NOT YOUR BABY! GET OUT". My nurse was a shark but she was amazing and took care of that sh for me. All to say, tell your medical staff that no one is allowed in the room and they'll take care of it
    via u/nonamejane84
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    • EasyStatistician8694 15h ago · NTA. This is your birth, your child, your rules. She had her time. This is yours. Kudos to you and your spouse for having a unified front and setting boundaries. Keep it up. It will make your home so much more peaceful.
    via u/EasyStatistician8694
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    Syrup_Straight · 15h ago NTA, your MIL needs to learn boundaries, and birth is not a spectator sport...from your description she sounds like she would stress you out, not help.
    via u/Syrup_Straight
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    • enchylatta 15h ago • NTA - When did giving birth. become a spectator sport with an audience. I realize that I am as old as God's aunt, but even my husband wasn't allowed in the room when I was giving birth to our son. I would never have wanted even my own mother there much less my mother in law.
    via u/enchylatta
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    Praise your husband for sticking up for you against his very difficult mother. You are not the a h le. This is your baby and your life. You and your husband need to do what is best for you and not bend to this demanding woman who seems to want to make your delivery about her self.
    via u/enchylatta
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    Curraghboy1 15h ago. . Nta, You need to put it in writing and have your husband sign it. When he inevitably caves to his mother and allows her in the birthing suite that both of them will be removed and divorce will follow.
    via u/Curraghboy1
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    Abby... 15h ago . • Edited 13h ago • I think you need to have a very stern talk with your husband. From what you've written, it sounds like he's "just going along with" you the way he did with his mother! Explain that you two are a team. His mother was not the one he made vows to. You and he are going to be putting his entire family on an "information diet." anything he
    via u/AbbyM1968
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    wants to tell anyone in his family has to be agreed upon by both of you! (Idk the level of close conversation he has with his dad, but maybe insist on him not sharing with FIL anything you don't want MIL to know It'll be really bad if you have to not share "pregnancy stuff" with your husband because he always "slips up" and tells his dad.) I don't care how close the family is!! There are some things that need to be private! Others have pointed out that birth is not a spectator sport.
    via u/AbbyM1968
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    xandersmama0212 • 15h ago Only those present during conception can be present during birth. My personal rule.
    via u/xandersmama0212

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childcare Babies childbirth aita infant kids giving birth moms parenting dad mother in law grandparents cute kids pregnant reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids grandmother Parenting Fail delivery parents children Parenting FAILS
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